Since a lack of spoons had put muesli off the menu, we drove on to find a person to deliver breakfast into our hands in exchange for a few coins. Instead, what we found was our first entrant into my newly created Rubbish People section of this Website:

The local village bakery that caught our eye was well marked from across the high street. Upon entering, we were greeted by a pleasingly large wall-mounted chalk menu offering a grand product selection with the ominous footnote warning, “everything subject to availability”. Here’s roughly how the conversation with Rubbish Person (RP) went:

SQ: Good morning. On the board, it says that you do filled sandwiches. May I have a cheese and tomato sandwich please?
RP: We don’t have any fillings.
SQ: Oh, erm, ok. One of these Pain au Chocolats instead? Also, two cups of tea please?
RP: (Hands over choccy bread. Disappears out back presumably to boil kettle. Returns a few minutes later.) And for you?
DB: Hi. On the board, it says you do a bacon roll, a sausage roll and a bacon and sausage roll. They’re all priced at £1.50. Does that mean you get less of each in the bacon and sausage roll?
RP: Dunno.
DB: Erm, ok. I’ll have the bacon and sausage roll then please!
RP: (Disappears out back with a bread roll in hand. Returns a few minutes later.) We don’t have any sausages.
DB: (Grins.) Ok, I’ll have a bacon roll then please!
RP: (Disappears out back. After an extended period of time, returns with bacon roll.)
–Here comes the killer line–
RP: Do you still want those teas?
DB: (Confused grin.)
SQ: (Confused giggle.)
Other queuing customers: (Exchange confused glances.)
DB: Urm. Yes please…?
RP: (Disappears out back. Returns minutes later with two cups of tea.)

So shocked I was that I couldn’t muster a better response than a reconfirmation of our desire to drink tea. What would you have said? Answers posted in the comments section please…